You might be married, but that doesn’t mean you truly have a husband.
You might be a bride, but that doesn’t mean you have a husband at home. After you walked down the aisle, you probably thought you were at the beginning of your happily ever after. But your groom may have forgotten the wedding is just the beginning of a marriage.
Here are four signs you’re married but don’t really have a husband:
1. He doesn’t come home
If the man you married doesn’t come home at night, you don’t really have a husband. You can’t have a relationship with someone who isn’t present. He could stay out late with friends most nights of the week. Or he could go out of town without letting you know. He might even be, quite innocently, visiting family. And letting you know his plans beforehand is only half the issue. If he thinks being gone most of the time is OK, he doesn’t understand what it means to be married.
He may have a job that keeps him away from home for long periods of time. But if that’s the case, much more effort needs to be put into every aspect of the union. Having less time with each other means more work should go into the time you do have. And both of you should make a sincere effort to call or communicate when you are separated.
2. He is preoccupied
Your partner may be too busy with other things he’s deemed more important than you. He may be dealing with an addiction, which could range from substance abuse to over-working. Or he could be obsessed with a hobby or pastime, putting all of his energy into watching or playing sports, video games or some other activity. Whatever he is occupying his time and attention with, he’s not focused on you or your family. So he’s not being the husband he vowed to be.
3. He is unfaithful
A man who shares himself with others physically or emotionally can’t really be a husband to you. Some partners can conceal their infidelity under the guise of loving company. He may shower you with attention or affection to pacify your suspicion. Multiple affairs mean you are not his priority and he holds no commitment or loyalty. A single indiscretion may not necessarily mean the man you married is no longer dedicated to you. But you deserve to know who you’re married to. And lying and keeping secrets about his extramarital activities is offensive and unfair.
4. He doesn’t love you
It must be devastating to feel like your partner doesn’t love you. Even if he does deep down, if he doesn’t tell you or show you he loves you, he can’t be a good husband. When it comes to love, your man may have the right feelings but not express them in a meaningful way.
Unfortunately, he may also not regard love the same way you do. He may feel some kind of attachment to you or feel the desire to no longer be single. But he may not actually feel love for you the way you would want your husband to. This could be a choice. Or through biology or trauma he may be incapable of feeling deep love for you or passion for your marriage.
The man you picked may not be cut out for married life. As an ingrained cultural norm, marriage and its roles are expected parts of most people’s lives. But how each person adapts from single to married life is a deep individual journey. Some are unskilled and can be instructed on being an appropriate partner. Others are unable or unwilling to learn how to be married.
You deserve to be with someone dedicated to the life you vowed to build together. You can only work on yourself and become the wife you’ve always wanted to be. If it’s not the one your with, work on finding the husband you need.
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